I can remember when I was younger how much more positive I was. I remember not worrying too much about my own feelings and trying to help others feel better about themselves (with the exception of my brothers and sisters but that's just natural). I think I've become so much more selfish now. It's not the fact that I am not doing service (it would help) but I really don't have much free time with school and work. On my day off I really need my day off because of information overload from the week.
Sometimes I think it's because of boredom. I feel kind of like that grumpy old man that sits on his porch and yells at the kids because there is nothing more exciting to do. I do feel very stressed out because of classes I have to take. I feel I will never understand Math or Biology and I know others will share their dreadful experiences. I have become more of an honest person than I ever have and that seams to have gone in the wrong direction. It felt good to get the truth out about my feelings but at the same time I feel distanced from every group and world given to me.
I'm not smart enough, I'm not dumb enough, I'm not religious enough and I don't care to fight against it, I'm not mature enough but I don't get along with the youngsters. I don't fit in with any political crowd so it makes it hard to talk politics with my family or my friends who are at both extremes of the political spectrum.
But don't worry. I love them all very much and I know that they love me. My Mom is always right when she says it is easier to find the negative than the positive. Does this mean that there is more bad in the world? Sometimes I think that this is the case but it's little bad things. The Bigger things are always great. They are always that much more epic that they help to balance the scales.
Getting married will always out do the little arguments Mandi and I have. Having 9 siblings to grow up with will always be remembered more than the times they hit me. Getting an education will outlast all of the money I could have made working in a job that I don't like. My love of English and Humanities out weigh how much I hate taking Biology and Math. My love for writing outweigh how terrible I am at grammar and spelling. People told me I had a nice smile even with my buck teeth. I love Fridays more than I hate Mondays. And Pizza is always good in my book!
Great. Now that I am though feeling sorry for myself I almost feel like I shouldn't post it. But I will because I don't want this to be a waste of time. That would be a negative. So on a positive note. I'm excited to go to my astronomy class in 15 min Woo hoo! and I have my Tolkien class today :)
8 comments:
I think this is an awesome blog post Jeff. The important thing is you know that you are loved and will always be loved. You're a good brother and I love you to DEATH!! You mentioning how many times you've been hit made me sad. I know I've hit you when you were younger and I'm sure I've never said sorry (by the way, I'm sorry). Keep your chin up brother. Better days are ahead. I PROMISE!
lol. I know. I guess I had too much time to think when I wrote that. I hope it didn't come out as too serious. Most of it I was writing jokingly. But hey. I love you too man, dude, duder, el duderino.
You are a great young man with amazing talents Jeff AND you have a beautiful, loyal, supportive wife! We love you!
We all get discouraged and overwhelmed (for me daily!), so re-group, make time for the important, lasting things in life (you know what they are) and keep balance. Bro. Callister of the 70's in Saturdays session gave a great talk counseling people to not "lose faith in the many things they do know because of a few things they do not know." Along with the indisputable fact that Pizza is always good, chocolate is ALWAYS a good idea too!
Good Point. Chocolate is always a good thing!
I only hit you in the face.
How about we all have a fight to the death. Last brother standing will be the supreme brother!
I lost!
I think it's funny as well that I got more comments on what a pretty smile I had before I got braces. ( I hope that didn't sound conceded) Since braces, not one. I loved the "love for writing" even though your grammar and spelling aren't correct. Life is so ironic. I have to say that I always wanted to be a mom with lot's of kids, but I never wanted to be a cliche mom with lots of kids that drives an SUV and goes to soccer practice. Oh well... You just have to be who you are and not fight it. LIfe is so much easier that way. That was such a great post! I love you!
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